miso hungry salad / I hate ticketmaster.com

I woke up this morning filled with hope, a bluebird on my shoulder, and a perfect cup of black tea.  Then I tried to purchase Radiohead tickets at 10am on ticketmaster.com...Sold out...but mysteriously available on stubhub and other sites for the reasonable price of $600+.  Are you kidding me Radiohead?  I love you, but your whole "download our music for free" thing doesn't jive well with this "given to the highest bidder" ticket nonsense.  Now I feel cheated, and my bluebird has turned into an obnoxious bluejay, and my hope has morphed into the Obama variety.  My tea however, was still perfect: a 5 minute steep of black assam, splash of soymilk, a touch of raw honey, and a cat hair or two (for protein obviously).  So what if I can't go see my favorite band this week?  There are an infinite amount of activities I can partake in on a wednesday night in Greenwich.  Perhaps I'll spend a $100 on a plate of steamed veggies and a glass of wine at an overpriced restaurant that claims they "accommodate vegans all the time" or stay at home with my beasts and watch the Lord of The Rings trilogy literally play out in my own apartment.  Speaking of which, at the present moment, Dragon (samwise gamgee) is lost in Mordor (closet under the stairs).  I always know when she's lost because of her particular mew.  Dragon has many mews.  The "I'm lost" mew sounds like a question, as if she's saying "Hello?  Is anybody out there?"  or in cat language "Purrr-raaoooww?".  I always reply with "Dragon, I'm over here."  Since I've rescued her, she has managed to get lost in room corners, paper bags, closets, and sadly...open spaces.  Frodo (ring-bearer) never gets lost and is generally quiet and introverted...with one exception: Silverware.  For some unknown reason, the sound of silverware clanking against each other turns Frodo into a bizarre creature who makes cackling noises, twitches his tail as though he's developed a neurosis, and hides in the rafters above the kitchen cabinets.  It's gotten so bad lately that when he even sees me opening the dishwasher, he begins to cackle; a pathetic "reh, eh, eh" sound that attempts to convey his great manner of suffering.  Toast (sauron) makes all of the typical dog sounds, including the three syllabled whine "hymph, hymph, hymmm" and the "I hear something", bug-eyed, ears glued back muffled half-bark "boufff", and the classic "greeter" bark "Ro-ro-ro-rrufff!".  I usually reprimand her when she barks, but then people tell me it's her instinct and she can't help it...and then I feel bad (I'm still on the fence with this argument).  My point in all of this?  Proving that I have a fulfilling life with or without Radiohead tickets...

It's lunchtime and I still feel defeated so I don't feel like cooking.  Solution?  Miso Hungry Salad!  This masterpiece of a dish is so easy to make, and will impress all of your friends because you can use health term zingers like "probiotics", "apple cider vinegar", and "vegan".  They will think you are a goddess in the kitchen even if you're planning a coup on ticketmaster.com and haven't made up your bed yet...

Miso Hungry Salad

for the salad:
1 large head of romaine lettuce, washed, spun & chopped (tip: chopping lettuce is so much easier when you slice once or twice from the root to the tip of the lettuce head, then turn horizontally and chop until you reach the root)
1 cup cooked or 1/2 can garbanzo or black beans, washed and drained (I use Eden organic brand when using canned beans because Eden doesn't line their cans with Bisphenol-A, a known carcinogen)
1/4 cup red onion, minced
1 small cucumber, deseeded and diced (the seeds make the salad mushy)

for the dressing:
1 heaping tablespoon of the following:
brown rice miso (I use South River Miso = so freaking delicious you could eat it out of the jar & it contains probiotics that will fill your body with healthy bacteria)
apple cider vinegar (I use Bragg's organic apple cider vinegar)
tahini (I use Once Again organic tahini)
2 tsp Penzey's Fox Point seasoning (or you can use a blend of sea salt, shallots, chives, garlic, onion & green peppercorns.  Exactly, just buy the Penzey's already)
splash of water
3 T extra virgin olive oil

In a mixing bowl, combine all ingredients except oil.  Using a whisk, slowly stream in oil and mix until emulsified.  Dressing should be thick, like a caesar or blue cheese dressing, but without any of the nasty dead fish or moldy cheese.  Pour dressing over salad ingredients, toss, and serve to one very hungry unicorn or two unicorns willing to share.

for the shiitake bacon:

***this is an optional topping, but it will blow your mind and the minds of others.  It tastes like bacon, but it's actually just a healthy mushroom...and a perfect example of "it's too good to be true"***

3 cups or 1 package shiitake mushrooms, finely sliced

1 T extra virgin olive oil

sea salt to taste

In a large saute pan (do not use nonstick for this recipe...in fact, stop using nonstick and go buy yourself some kick ass all-clad stainless steel saute pans and a cast iron pan too), heat the oil over a high flame.  Add mushrooms, but do not crowd (depending on the size of your pan, you might have to make this in two batches), and allow to cook, untouched (put down the wooden spoon!), for a few minutes until brown and crispy (your pan should be hot, smoking & sizzling...don't get nervous).  Flip the mushrooms over with a cock of your wrist or the use of your spoon, sprinkle with sea salt, and continue to cook until shrooms are crispy and dark brown.  Remove from pan and allow to cool on a few pieces of paper towel to absorb excess oil.  Serve as a topping for the Miso Hungry Salad (or just eat them off the towel and tell the unicorn that you overcooked them...).