concerning grocery stores / I want to live forever juice

So I'm actually a big fan of grocery stores. Now before you call me a 50's housewife, let me clarify what I mean by "grocery store". I'm not talking about the Stop & Shop's and A&P's of the world, or the buy-your-furniture-and-get-your-prescription-filled-while-you-buy-groceries mega marts, but the patchouli-smelling-"we-have-a-yoga-section" natural foods stores. I can literally spend hours perusing their essential oils section or filling up on bulk items while listening to Fleet Foxes or something featuring a sitar player.
Whole Foods, though enormously large, is also a haven for me. Most of them still have the warm colors and dreadlocked workers that make me feel right at home. The problem is that I live in Greenwich. And the Greenwich Whole Foods isn't full of hemp sandal earth mamas or yogi men in capris. Nope, the Greenwich Whole Foods is full of caffeine-crazed blonde mothers of three who are perpetually late for something (translation: mani-pedis with the girls, lunch date with gay friend, zumba class, picking up the kid's ADD prescriptions, bringing the Range Rover in for a service, etc...) They need their organic food and they need it now. I nearly get run over by an Escalade or Mercedes every time I walk through the parking lot towards the entrance. I try to ignore their stressed-out-I-miss-carbs vibe, but then my toe gets stepped on by a child who's rushing past me with a cart. After an ear splitting shriek from her mother, I hear the chastising I'm-dissappointed-with-you-so-I'm-going-to-say-your-full-name tone (translation: "Madison something something, I'm going to count to three...").
This shopping experience, however unpleasant, still pales in comparison to your average supermarket. In fact, the only reason I ever go into these blinding neon light establishments is to purchase something odd or impossible to buy organic (translation: ice and razor blades). I try to make the visit as short as possible, mainly because it's unbearably freezing and smells of dead fish and Febreze. Everything looks hideously yellow from the overhead lighting and most of the packaged foods are fluorescent and could survive a nuclear explosion. I feel as though I've entered a time capsule when I walk past the deli section and see a line of people holding little paper tickets with numbers on them, waiting for the black screen to light up with their number in glowing red. I decide to make a beeline to the check-out line via aisle 3, the detergent / cleaning section (translation: Clorox-laden-chemical-shit-storm). I hold my breath until I reach the cat food section, then join a cue.

So now that you're never going to go back to a conventional grocery store again, you can easily make the I Want to Live Forever juice. Juicing is incredibly good for your health and should be a part of your daily regimen if possible. When vegetables and fruits are put through a juicer, the liquid is extracted from the fiber or pulp, leaving you with a delicious beverage chock full of live enzymes, amino acids, vitamins and minerals! Popping synthetic vitamins cannot replace what living foods deliver to your body. Juicing is widely known as an important way to decrease your risk of certain cancers and other illnesses both for its nutritional punch and its oxygenating and alkalinizing effect on the body. Remember that diseases thrive in an acidic environment! There are many good juicers on the market, but the juicers most people recommend are the Omega juicers. I have a Breville juicer that works great. Important note: buy your vegetables and fruits organic, especially for juicing! The last thing you want to add to your juiced awesomeness is a bunch of pesticides.

I Want To Live Forever Juice

5 carrots
1 granny smith apple, cut in half
1 inch knob of peeled ginger root
1 small lemon, cut in half
1/2 of a medium sized beet, washed (optional)

Turn on your juicer and press all of your ingredients through, except for the lemon. Simply squeeze the lemon juice into your juice after its finished and stir with a spoon. Makes enough for one immortality-seeking unicorn (actually, they're already immortal...they just have a thing for fresh juice).